The Light of The Soul

I’ll never forget this week three years ago; it is burned into my head in a way that is not normal for me (my memory is not so hot).   But, in this case, I remember conversations, peoples’ eyes, specific strangers, but mostly, I remember my Dad for it was this week, three years ago, that my Dad passed away.

That week started like an ordinary week at that time.  The EMT’s came to my house to take my Dad for his Monday dialysis treatment.  He did not want to go.  As my Dad had become weaker toward the end of his illness, he still showed signs of his prior strength from time to time; this Monday morning was one of those times.  He was telling us he was done with dialysis and he adamantly refused to go.  My Mom pleaded with him, I pleaded with him, we argued with him, and then we cried together as they strapped him into a wheelchair and lifted the chair, with him in it, out of the house and into the ambulance and on to the dialysis unit. 

Not long after the ambulance drove away, my Mom received a call from my Dad’s doctor that my Dad wasn’t feeling well and that they were not going to do his dialysis treatment. Instead of treatment, they were sending him, via ambulance, to the hospital.  The doctor continued by telling us he did not see dialysis as a beneficial treatment for my Dad any longer. Patients have a way of telling the world when they are finished, he said, even in their otherwise not totally coherent state.  My Mom and I knew he was saying it was time to let him go, but this was not something we were ready to think about.

Once my Mom was off the telephone with the doctor, she and I ran out of the house and drove hurriedly to the emergency room to meet my Dad when he arrived.  I have already told the story of his time in the hospital that week.  We met with “end of life” specialists and listened more intently, with more awareness and openness than I would have thought possible.  The doctors took time and spoke with us about my father’s care and where we were in his treatment.  Once the decision to stop dialysis was made, after talking with my brothers, they could only keep my Dad in the hospital for a few days.  During that time, it was surprising how well he seemed.  With the nurse, we sang show tunes, with a hearty appetite; he enjoyed eating the foods he had been forbidden to eat for so long, (feeding my Dad carrots from his tray was unbelievable, he enjoyed every mouthful as if it was the most awesomely prepared cuisine!)  We watched the winter Olympics, he enjoyed visits from his grandchildren and he spoke on the phone to my brothers with clarity and strength.  It was as if he was getting better, stronger, as if he felt more alive than he had in years.  He was coherent, funny, and strong and for a few days it seemed as he used to be.  A lovely religious representative stopped by one afternoon.  She told us she was on her way to Israel and asked if we would like to give her a note of prayer to place in the Wailing Wall.  My Mom and I wrote a prayer of hope and gratitude, which she tucked into her purse and took with her to Israel. 

After visiting with the hospice organization near our home, we were confident with the people, not so confident with the surroundings.  Hastily, on the day my Dad was released from the hospital, we arranged for hospice in my home.  Our family gathered together that day.  My Dad was with all of us, and he even visited via Skype with my brother in Florida.  Before going to sleep my Dad said he loved us all.  At 3:22 AM he passed away.

That was three years ago this week.  Three years since I have had the chance to hug my Dad.  But, when I now think of my Dad, I usually don’t think of those last years, I remember my Dad when he was strong, my protector.

I don’t know, one way or the other, if the soul and the spirit are real or if I just wish they were, but last night certainly helps me believe.  As I said, this week marks three years since my Dad passed away, but yesterday was his actual Yahrzeit.  For those that aren’t Jewish, Yahrzeit marks the anniversary of the death of a loved one and it is tradition to light a candle in remembrance. The candle is lit and burns for 24 hours until it burns out; the flame is symbolic for the human soul.  This connection comes from the Book of Proverbs (chapter 20 verse 27), which states:  “The soul of man is the candle of G-d.” 

It is said that the flames, like a human soul, must breath, grow, change and fight against darkness only to eventually fade away.  In this way, the flame of the burning Yahrzeit candle reminds us that life is fragile and must be protected, embraced, and cherished while we remember our loved ones.

I lit my Yahrzeit candle for my Dad at sundown, as did my Mom, who lives with us.  My candle burned out almost to the minute of 24 hours.  However, my Mom’s burned for an additional twelve hours, keeping her room lit all through the next night.  My Mom insisted it was my Dad’s spirit shining his light for her. 

Unbeknownst to me, while her Yahrzeit candle was continuing to burn far longer than it should, I was having dream after dream of my father.  In my dreams he kept repeating three life lessons that he wanted me to remember.  I kept repeating the three in my dream, I would wake up, fall back to sleep, return to the same dream and once again hear the three life lessons.  When I woke for the day, the dream was still in my mind and as I showered I could recite the three life lessons, two of which I remember him telling me throughout my life, one was new and honestly something I don’t remember him telling me in real life.

The first of the three lessons is one he continually told me as I was growing up. He would sit with me and tell me how I could always know right from wrong when I was not with him.  He would say, “Always remember, if someone asks you to do something, think to yourself…could I tell my father about this in the morning?  If yes, then it’s okay, if no then it’s wrong.”  An easy and foolproof method of telling right from wrong that I think of even to this day, even knowing he is no longer physically here to tell.

The second was to always remember that ‘If you’re worried about money, you have no worries.’  He always said that because when really bad things happen, you don’t worry about money, so if money is what you are worried about, be thankful.

Now, the third…the third is something special that my Dad told me last night that I really don’t remember him telling me during his lifetime.  He told me to live life and appreciate the warmth, love and light that every moment provides.  Meanwhile the Yahrzeit candle my Mom lit to honor his memory was shining well beyond the normal time, illuminating her room and brightening her world.

Whether or not that was the spirit of my Dad, I can’t prove, but in my heart I feel it was, I feel him with me as I type these words.  My Dad, who sang Frank Sinatra songs better than Old Blue Eyes himself, my Dad, who was the life of any party and who told a joke better than any comedian, my Dad lit this house last night with his love.  I feel it; I know it and it makes me smile, just as he always did.

I love you, Dad.  Thank you for always being such a shining light in my life.  

Cleaning House ~ Cleaning Mind

My house is cluttered.  My brain is cluttered.  Just as there are rooms and rooms filled to the brim with useless, unwanted and unneeded accumulated extraneous things in my house, there is area after area of extraneous thoughts in my head.  I need to clean both.

Nineteen years is a long time to live in one house.  Fifty-four years is a long time to live in one head, especially my head.  Nineteen years ago, when my husband I moved into this house from our townhouse, we were in our mid thirties.  Nineteen years ago, my precious children, Lauren and Michael, were 10 and 5 respectively.   Life was so very different then.  I never thought those days would end.  They were so happy for me.  My children always got along with each other, they were so easy, they were so much fun.  From the time they could speak and could be reasoned with, they were the best company in the world.  Nothing made me happier than being home with my family.  Nothing.  That is still true, but the times when it happens are now rare, not commonplace, certainly not daily. 

Over these fleeting 19 years, I have accumulated so many things.  These items range from huge pieces that take up a ton of space in the basement; old bedroom sets and a no longer used foosball table to small things like newspaper articles, school assignments and outgrown clothes.  In order to move on to the next phase of my life, the empty nester phase, I need to get rid of so very much, but how?  Every item is packed with memories of shared times, laughs, silliness, and just the every day specialness that was that time.  Perhaps holding onto the furniture and the clothes, even knowing all the while they will never again be useful to me in my life, perhaps it’s a way of not letting go of the life that was.  The life I adored.  The life I miss.  The life I will never and should never have again. Wow, that was dramatic. 

Those memories of that time in my life fill my brain like the old furniture fills the basement; although I visit the memories in my head way more often than I venture downstairs. And, the memories in my head, I must say, are in much better shape. 

But, it is true. Those days of 19 years ago are gone, as they should be.  After all, as a parent I want my children to be self-sufficient, healthy and happy with their own lives, dreams, goals and opportunities, but, what do I do now?  What is my role?  I have always felt that my children are my friends.  I never remember having to “parent” them.  They were always well behaved, trustworthy, hard working and mature.  I remember hearing other parents complaining about how irresponsible their children were.  I never had those complaints!  As a matter of fact, I was the irresponsible one who would pressure my children to take a day off from school!  Yes, I would ask them to play hooky, so we could spend the day together!   I used to give them “personal days” like those earned at your job - after all, wasn't school their job?  When they wanted a day off, they could just use a personal day.  I loved those days so very much!!  But I remember them each saying to me, at various times, “Mom, I can’t take off today, I have too much to do!”  Oh my, they were always so responsible!! 

But, back to house cleaning.  You see how even in this blog, the clutter in my head keeps me from moving forward, just as the clutter in my house keeps me from moving to the next location.  I need to move on, in both instances.

By clinging to the unnecessary clutter in my home, I cannot even think about selling my house, a house which has been such a warm, sheltering home; a home that has kept us safe in the harshest of storms and has been a welcoming place for friends and family in times of celebration as it has been a haven of love and support in times of loss.  The carpet is worn from not only my aging dog, but also from years of having transports come to take my Dad to and from his three time a week dialysis treatments.  The wear and tear on this carpet, which so badly needs changing, is evidence of the way life leaves its mark.  There is no sense for me to change this carpet now, as my dog is very old and very ill.  He messes the carpet on what is pretty much a daily basis.  By all logical thought, we should probably think of what the next best step is for our dog, Popcorn, but I am just not ready for that yet.  I guess Poppy is another thing to hold onto, but he is a living animal that I love.  Do I have the right or the nerve to put him down because he can’t control himself like he used to?  How do I know when he is ready?  Am I being selfish keeping him here?

Meanwhile, the dog, the house, and my thoughts are weighing me down; they are keeping me in the same spot when everything else in my life has moved on.  I sit, night after night, day after day,  in this same spot, while everything around me has changed.  So, the spot may be the same, but it doesn’t feel the same, it no longer fits.  In order to find out who I am now, where this 54 year old woman wants to go, I need to clean house and mind. After all, it is not those things that are keeping me down, it is my refusal to let go of them that is doing that.

So, with that, I started small today.  I cleaned out, ready for this????.....  I cleaned out the refrigerator!  After all, it’s so much easier to throw away expired sour cream than a sweatshirt that was well worn by my son or daughter.  But, it was a start.  I cleaned the refrigerator, scrubbed the drawers, cleaned the side and then went on to vacuum and dust my children’s’ empty bedrooms.  I didn’t throw anything away, except the expired sour cream and some shriveled carrots I found in the refrigerator, but I started. 

So, three cheers for me today!  This was one small step for house cleaning, one giant leap for moving on!  

A Time for Sanity

When listening to the gun debate currently raging in the press, I try to remember that most of my fellow Americans are not crazy.  We are wiser, calmer, not as fox-brainwashed as we appear, as evidenced by the re-election of President Barack Obama.  But, there are times when the basic intelligence and decency of many citizens needs to be doubted, exposed and explored.  This is obvious whenever I see Wayne LaPierre, the National Rifle Association's public face.  It is the face of a bizarre human being. Watching him speak, I have doubts as to his mental capacity to even BE a gun owner, let alone gun promoter!

A few months ago, I wrote a blog about a man who blindly crashed his car into my mother’s parked car outside our home.  The man was obviously on “something” and was carrying a loaded gun in the front seat.  He was distraught over his break-up with his girlfriend and who knows where he was headed, in that state, with his loaded gun.  The police, when they arrived did nothing to him.  As a matter of fact, the force of their speech was to my husband and I, telling us we didn’t understand because we are not “gun people”!  No, I am not a gun person, I readily admit that.  However, the schism between that and driving intoxicated with a loaded gun seems to loom large.  It seems the lecture should be directed to the guy acting irresponsibly who just crashed into a PARKED car!

Anyway, I digress, but it simply proves to illustrate the gun culture of this society.  I have been keeping a close eye on the gun debate currently raging in every part of the press.  On television, the radio, in print, both sides are active, on high alert.  Even our government, with sane voices like that of the President of the United States and others are being heard.  The narrative, which I believe the mainstream media promotes courtesy of the NRA, is that this is much bluster with nothing real or tangible able to happen.  I refuse to believe it.

Twenty 6 and 7 year olds along with six young teaching professionals were gunned down less than two months ago by a young man with a legally purchased (by his mom)  Bushmaster AR-15 rifle. There are zero federal restrictions on the ownership of AR-15 rifles in the United States, zero. The gun used in Newtown, Connecticut has been used before in many mass massacres in the United States recently.  Hunters do not use these rifles, as the bullets would tear apart the flesh of their prey and the shooting is pretty much general and not accurate.  These rifles are not even good at protecting from a home invasion for the reason given…they are not accurate as they are meant to kill massive amounts of people, not one directly attacking you.

There is no reason that I have heard on any of the numerous debates I have listened to that have resonated as to why any civilian would need an AR-15.   None.  The purpose of this gun is mass shooting.  It is a weapon of war.  The premise that we cannot, as a nation, have sensible control of such a dangerous, destructive, heartache-producing weapon, is absolutely amazing.  Banning the further sale of these weapons along with extended magazines that aid in killing as many innocents as possible, should be obvious and without argument, even by the NRA.  IF that organization would stand for sane regulations, perhaps they would not be so despised by so many of us.

An AR-15 was also used in the mass massacre of moviegoers in Colorado on July 20, 2012.  According to the letter from Aurora victims' family members – “an AR-15 assault rifle was used in the movie theater killing on July 20. "We listened to the 911 tapes played in court and sat in agony as we heard 30 shots fired within 27 seconds, wondering if one of those bullets killed our children," the letter read.

Arguing for the continued sale of these weapons and these extended clips is what the NRA is standing for at this point in our history.  Unbelievable, but true! No one on the other side is saying that banning these weapons will end all violence in our country, we are, unfortunately a society that applaudes and rewards violence in our movies, our video games and our rhetoric. However, if some lunatic is going to come at me in some public place with violence in mind, I sure would rather he/she was not carrying an AR-15 with an extended clip!

Common sense tells us that this violence, death and destruction cannot and will not be completely halted by the elimination of this class of rifle and the extended magazines.  However, it can only help.  Just as putting a warning on the side of cigarettes didn’t stop all from smoking, smoking is much less common than it was….the art of romanticizing smoking was removed from movies, advertisements were taken off television, all of this helped lessen smoking and thus cancer deaths in our country.  This all simply proves that as Americans we need to ALL participate and work together to lessen unnecessary death.

No one is fighting to eliminate the second amendment.  As much as I despise guns, and I admit that I do, I realize that hunting is a way of life to some.  For some reason going out as a family and killing animals as they try to peacefully exist is sport.  (I know, that was laced with sarcasm, sorry, can’t help it.)  But, I realize it is and I even realize, in spite of my feelings, that when not hunted the deer make life crazy and dangerous for many of us driving around the country.  So, although hunting to me seems a bit barbaric, I can acquiesce to those who do and agree to disagree.  It is a part of the diversity of our culture that I love and admire. 

I also understand how many might want a handgun in their home to protect from invaders.  I would not want one in my home, but I understand that there are single women, people living in dangerous neighborhoods, and probably most of my republican neighbors who own handguns, guns which, they say, makes them feel safer. 

A gun in my house would have the opposite effect.  According to a recent National Public Radio interview, having a gun in the home made the death of a member of that household 43 times more likely than that gun being used for self-defense. That same interview followed with more facts, out of 743 deaths from firearms, 398 occurred IN the home with the gun.  Of these deaths, 80% were suicides, 13% were murders, and 3% were accidents.  As it turns out, most homicide victims are shot by either fellow family members or their roommates – only 7 of the 398 deaths were self-defense, SEVEN!

Despite those statistics, if you feel you need or want a handgun in your home, to protect from an invader, go for it.  If you feel you need to carry a handgun to protect yourself, okay.  But, you do not need a semi-automatic rifle with an extended clip.  You just simply do not.

I just heard that Wayne LaPierre, recently stated that even background checks were not something he could get on board with.  He really said that.  He said that criminals wouldn’t go through the checks.  Well, for that matter, why have ANY laws?  Criminals won’t abide by them, so what the heck…..go for it people!  Why have speed limits?  Speeders won’t abide!  Why make shoplifting illegal…..people still steal!

That argument obviously doesn’t hold water, but he makes it and lemmings repeat it.

There ARE common sense laws and common sense aid to this horrific problem we have in our nation of gun violence.  Of course no law or group of laws will be 100% effective, but just as enforcing drunk driving laws have lessened automobile deaths, common sense gun restrictions could lessen mass murders, random, horrific, tragic, mass murders; and we have to do everything in our power to lessen these tragedies as the next one might be in YOUR child’s school, YOUR neighborhood movie theater or YOUR area mall.

Yes, the problem is vast and yes we need to look at keeping violence in our video games and movies down, not glorifying the death and destruction.  Yes, we need to better treat the mentally ill, but please note that just like the vast amount of legal gun owners are not criminals, the vast amount of mentally ill are not criminals either.   Funny how the gun lobby, the NRA, which makes money for every gun sold, has no problem having a data base for those with mental problems but is against that same registration for ALL gun owners – even those who buy through gun shows and private sales.

It has been proven that background checks actually help two fold, first, the obvious that it makes it that much harder to get your hands on a weapon of death, and second,  many with severe mental issues find it difficult to fill out the forms on a background check.  They get befuddled and don’t do it.  A win/win in keeping weapons out of the hands of those who should not have them!

In conclusion, I am proud to stand with the majority of Americans, even those in the NRA if not their “leader”, who are willing to look at all angles of this horrific problem facing us all.  The tragedy of gun massacres across our great country has to be dealt with right away.  If the rhetoric could be lowered to a point where we aren’t arguing extremes, perhaps something could be accomplished.  No one is saying all guns should be banned.  However, just as machine guns were banned decades ago, with no slippery slope coming to be, we can and should ban semi-automatic weapons and extended magazines for  only when reloading was the man who killed so many in Colorado, stopped.  If he had only had a 10 round magazine, instead of a 30, how many more would be alive today and if one of them was your parent, brother, sister or heaven forbid, child, yes, it would absolutely matter.

It is time to prove that we are civilized, that we are intelligent, and we are worthy of our role as being the shining light on the hill.  We need to care more about our fellow human beings than the rights of those who can’t even defend their ownership of such destructive weapons.  Yelling the Second Amendment at a grieving father is not a reason.  Defending against our government, a government with nukes, drones, tanks, and every possible weapon of war, is no argument.  It is time for rationale discussion, rationale laws and rationale thinking.  The time for bluster and posturing ended with the deaths of twenty 6 and 7 year olds in their first grade classroom.

Please see the following for a story worth the 11 minutes:  http://www.storyofamerica.org/darren

It's Okay To Be Me ~

The wind is blowing, the temperatures are in the teens, and winter is definitely here this week.  Today, I have an entire day off.  I sit here in my warm office, with my very old dog, Popcorn, at my feet.  Popcorn, Poppy, is a good boy, and even though he no longer sees or hears very well, he has a weak heart, few teeth, horrific breath, and can’t quite control his bowels…he is loved.

Aging is a weird thing.  One day you’re young and full of vigor and excitement, the next day you’re sitting around wondering what the heck happened, where did the time go?

I am 54.  Fifty freaking four.  I’ll be 55 next month on my birthday.  Even if I am lucky and live until 90, that means my life is more than half over and the vibrant years are mostly behind me.  What does it mean?

I had lunch with a very dear friend last week.  We went to a Japanese restaurant for sushi, which neither one of us ordered as it turned out ~ the crab/asian pear salad was too enticing.  We sat there for hours talking about everything and anything.  It was the best therapy.  My friend Linda and I have so much in common, even though she speaks with a delightful British accent and I have my Philly twang.  We each have a daughter and son, in that order, born within months of each other.  We have husbands that have stuck by us through thick and thin.  We are not wealthy, but not poor and we are lucky to work in jobs that allow us to meet for lunch for hours in the middle of the week.

We talked about so many things, but mostly about something that both of us do incessantly - worry.  My reputation in my family is that I am and always have been, an over-protective mom and a worrier that knows no limits.  All my life, everyone has called me “nuts”, “over-the-top”, and “ridiculous”.  The teasing never stopped, not when I was a young mom, not when I had children in school, and not now that they are older and on their own. I always thought it was a personality flaw, something awful that I should work on, but never could seem to rectify.  The realization that I could never stop worrying, no matter how much I tried, definitely hurt my self-esteem.

Linda did something at that lunch that no one has ever done before.  Linda told me that it’s okay to be me, and it’s okay to worry.  In order to worry as well as each of us do, (we certainly excel) an excellent imagination is needed.  An imagination, a creativity, that also appears in so many other areas of our lives and contributes so much joy to not only our lives but also the lives of others close to us, and those not so close.  If we took that imagination away, we wouldn’t be who we are, and, you know what, who we are is pretty wonderful!  Each of us would do anything in the world for our children. We know no bounds; there is nothing our children could ask of us that we won’t do for them.  We support and care for our husbands, our Moms (both of us have lost our Dads – but we cared for them when they were here, too).  We have brothers, friends, nieces and nephews who love us for our uniqueness – a uniqueness that would perhaps be minimized if we could ever rid ourselves of the worry gene, for that gene wouldn’t go away alone.

I am no longer going to apologize for worrying so much or even try too hard to stop.  Linda taught me something wonderful and eye opening -  the fact that it’s okay to be me ~ which also means it is amazingly right and fantastic for you to be you!

I Wish You Well-Being This New Year!

“Well-being is a balanced state of mind and body that you feel subjectively as contentment, peace of mind and emotional freedom.” – Deepak Chopra

As I write this, it is the early morning of New Year’s Eve.   New Year’s has always been a bit of a daunting time for me.  I never enjoyed New Year’s Eve as there was always not only a feeling of pressure to have a GREAT time, but also a feeling that the year gone by did not hold the accomplishments I had hoped for.  A fine time just doesn’t cut it on New Year’s.  Everyone has to be ringing in the New Year with amazing food, great friends, and a huge party!  You turn on the television and all they talk about is the biggest party of all in Times Square!  Everyone is dressed up, everyone is singing, kissing, dancing, partying ~ oy the pressure!!

This year has been a year of change and growing pains.  Yes, even those of us in our 50’s have growing pains.  My daughter has moved in with her boyfriend and my son, who moved away for school last year, has passed his candidacy exam and is now a PhD candidate, big changes and huge accomplishments for them, which make me proud and happy.  But these changes also point to the fact that my years of being Mom as opposed to Mommy are here.  This is a good thing, it is how it is supposed to be, but that doesn’t mean it is easy or comes without adjustment.

My house is way too big now.  Everywhere I look there is a room to be cleaned that no one needs.  I know this is probably what some would call a frivolous complaint, but it serves as a constant reminder of where I was, not where I am going. Of course there are times when I feel wistful about days gone by when the house was full of noise and toys and action; but time moves on.  And now it’s time that I do, too.

All this brings me to the title of this little blog, the importance of well-being.  I’ve read about well being this morning thanks to the quote above from Deepak Chopra, a quote I just happened to come across.  Well-being doesn’t mean that all things are going just great and that there is no turmoil, angst or aggravation in your life.  No, well being means that despite the turmoil and aggravation a sense of calm and feeling centered helps anchor your inner peace and allows you to function with clarity.  Our brains do more than allow us to interact with the world around us, our brains, in a sense, CREATE the world around us.  Our own interpretations of what we see and our reactions to what we feel are unique.  My goal, in this coming year, is a big one.  It’s probably the biggest goal I have ever set for myself.  My goal for this year is to have my brain create a positive world.

Throughout my life I have always looked ahead and tried to visualize what was going to go wrong so I could take steps now to prevent whatever it was I was imagining.  If I were imagining being attacked or getting lost by going someplace different, I just wouldn’t go.  If I was threatened by trying something new, thinking it would make me sick, or fail, I would make every excuse to weasel out of it, to not try that “new” thing, thereby guaranteeing the failure I was so afraid of seeing!  What good is that?? 

It’s going to be extremely difficult for me as I am definitely conditioned to only think about awful, horrific, terrible things that could happen.  I don’t know why my brain goes to these awful places and creates this world of monsters, but it does and it has to stop.  These worries take hold in my thoughts and instead of realizing that they are imaginary, they cause angst and worry, anxiety and fear – they cause a paralysis of being.  It’s been my way of existing but deep down I know it doesn’t work – it doesn’t even keep bad things from happening, instead, it keeps good things from happening!  The anxieties leak out to those around me, to those I hold most dear, to those I am trying to protect and to those I love more than anything else on this earth.  I don’t want them to hold the same anxiety and worry that I do.  Maybe that’s part of it, I feel that if I worry enough for all of us there is no need for them to worry.  I can shield them.  I try to take a burden off them, but it is a burden that they don’t necessarily carry – it is in my head, not theirs!  And when they then see and feel the load I am carrying, in a way, I am transferring that load to them - a load they never needed to hold! 

So, back to well being, the well being that Deepak Chopra referred to in the quote I read this morning.  Well-being is similar to the NOW that Eckert Tolle speaks about.  Right now is all we have.  Right now is all we ever live, our lives are made up of nows. Feeling at ease and at one with the reality of now, without thinking about the next minute or the next hour and the “what-ifs” that come with that time, that ease of the now is like a calming breath.  We can’t fight the now; it just wastes energy and emotion, we have to live in it.  The reality of this moment is all there ever is.  I believe it was George Harrison that said, “be here now”.

Right now it is the morning of New Year’s Eve.  The year 2012 will soon be history and the year 2013 will soon be welcomed.   But, at this moment, it is simply an early morning that I have time, time to relish and enjoy.  In reality, the hopes and plans, the thoughts and concerns for the year ahead are all just moving pictures in my head.  Since they are imaginary, why imagine a world of doom and disaster, why in the world would I want to create that? It may have taken me to the age of 54 to realize that every moment is important.  We all have our own hopes and dreams - the power of our thoughts, and that vibrant energy is vital and creative.  My promise to myself is to try to limit and catch myself when creating a world that is not positive and happy.  Since I want positive, happy things to exist for myself, for those I love, and for everyone – since compassion and thoughtfulness is what I want to exist, it is what I will strive to feel. I am going to try to live in the now instead of looking past it to the fears of tomorrow.

Here’s to a New Year’s Eve morning filled with good, hot coffee and a healthy dose of well being for all.

May your New Year be bright and your dreams thrive!

The Last Snickers

At one time, the bowl was full.  Just a few days ago the wrappers around the snickers were shiny and new and the delicious candy was just waiting to be enjoyed.   At that time, anticipation filled the air, turkey was cooking, recipes were being investigated, shopping was being done and the table was just set.

The holidays are a time when families get together with hopes for sharing a memorable time of love, acceptance, laughter, fun and food.  Some holidays, like some desserts, gel better than others – that’s just to be expected.  People change as years go by, but family dynamics stay pretty much the same.  People seem to automatically revert to their roles of decades gone by, it may not feel right, but it’s the role they’ve played to applause many times before and it seems like it should be simple to roll back into the previously molded places.  But now, the fit is just not the same, you toss and turn trying to fit, trying to be comfortable, but you’ve changed and the cushion has not and in reality, you need a new seat at the table since you already have a different physique - as does everyone else.

Life is lived day to day yet the annual or semi-annual get-togethers do not always capture the reality of where everyone is today.  There are disappointments on all sides, expectations that haven’t been met either by each other or by people totally outside the circle. But these experiences have had an impact.

Everyone has their problems, their disappointments, their heartaches, their successes, their worries and their joys.  You can’t exist in this world and not change as time moves along unless you keep yourself in some thick, unrealistic bubble.  People lose loved ones, they lose jobs, and they lose health and energy!  People are born, people get promoted, people watch their diets and they read and learn!  The gradual changes that occur over time alters where everyone stands in their personal world, but when they are jolted back in a world before these changes, the location doesn’t quite fit no matter how hard you try.

The love, that is still there, and I thankfully don’t think that could ever change.  The hopes for good things in the future, the consistency of the players, those things don’t change.  But, the knowledge of who each of us has become and how we all fit together, that does change.  It’s not necessarily better or worse, it could be either, but it can only be better if everyone accepts that old rolls are indeed stale.  The rolls have lost their desirability for everyone because they reflect the past, but not the reality of this time.  I truly believe the holiday get-togethers could be even better than before if only everyone could, or would be willing to, drop their preconceived notions of each other and get to know who their relatives have become during the time elapsed, what are they interested in now, where have they been AND where do they hope to go?  

The last Snickers is still in the bowl.  If I put it away until next year, it won’t be eatable anymore…. nothing stays the same.  People are the same in so many ways; they can’t be trotted out once a year and be expected to be as fresh and delicious as they were a year ago before just merely existing has changed their being.  But, as they go through each day, each week, each month, if they are tended to, if their changes and situations are acknowledged and most of all respected, the next time they are together, it could be the best time of all.

I will unwrap and savor the last Snickers in the bowl this year for all the nuts and the sweetness it contains, but, even more importantly, I hope to be open to the new and improved version being developed for the next get-together.  The new Snickers that may sit in the same bowl next year, but have slightly altered ingredients and a new chocolatey deliciousness.

Winds of Change

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Hurricane Sandy blew through our area last week.  Some parts of my neighborhood are still out of power.  We lost power for 48 hours and it seemed like an eternity.  I can’t imagine still being in the dark on these cold days and nights.  But, even with the power outages, we were lucky.  Our house is still standing.  The strong winds didn’t blow any trees onto our roof, through the windows, or into the yard.  We were spared the severe devastation and heaven forbid, the loss of life, which occurred within an hour and half from our home.

Now, more winds are blowing, but these winds are those of the election.  Tomorrow, across this great country, people will go to the polls and cast their ballot for the candidates of their choice.  My candidate is President Barack Obama!

President Obama took office in January of 2009 with our country teetering on the verge of a major economic depression.  We were fighting two long wars that were aiding to the bankrupting of our nation.  Our reputation around the world was in the dirt due to the Cowboy diplomacy of the Bush administration. 

As I watched him take his oath of office on that early winter day, I was filled with hope and pride.  The awful state our country was in was surely no match for the brilliant, compassionate man that held his hand on the bible.  My confidence was well founded.

Through the last four years, actually still closer to 3 ¾ at this point, I have watched with pride as our President cautiously and mindfully navigated the rocky road that lay before us.  His stimulus bill was an immediate help. He wanted it to be larger, but republicans started thwarting all his efforts from day one.  Instead of their goal being to help our country get back on solid ground, their main thought was for their political survival.  Their main thought was to work against our President, to keep the country in the toilet, so they could regain power.  How sick is that?  Why did the media not call attention to their strategy, a strategy that borders on treason?

Had the stimulus been larger, as most economists had suggested, the turnaround would have been swifter and more dramatic, however, the stimulus that was passed was large enough that it stemmed our hemorrhaging of jobs, (we were losing 800,000 per month when President Obama took office).  Our President offered a tax cut that gave each person some extra pocket money.  It is well known that giving money to the middle-class is more stimulating than giving it to the uber wealthy as the middle-class needs to spend it.  They pay bills, they buy groceries, and they go out to dinner.  These small purchases add up to a large help to the economy at large.  The more you and I go out to dinner, the more the restaurants are busy, they hire more waitresses and waiters and they in turn then have money to buy candles or whatever…which makes the other retail stores need to hire more people and so the economy grows.

But giving more money to the already super wealthy?  They can already buy whatever they want so they just sock it away or hide it overseas (like Romney).  They do NOT stimulate the economy with it and therefore the label the republicans have given them, as “job creators” is a lie.  The uber wealthy will only hire as a last resort as they want to aid their bottom line, not lessen it.  So they will only hire when there is dire necessity.  They feel no obligation to support the economy; their only obligation is to their stockholders.

After the stimulus was in effect, and things stabilized a bit, the President had also been working on health insurance reform, financial regulations, ending the wars, and restoring our country to a respectable standing around the world.  All these things he accomplished despite a record amount of filibusters and being called every name in the book by a disrespectful, arrogant minority party. 

The Affordable Care Act, known as ObamaCare, is a wonderful piece of legislation that, although demonized by the right wing and fox, is a policy that respects individual responsibility.  You have to be covered for none of us knows what the day has in store.  The healthiest among us could be hit by a bus and end up on life support by the end of the day.  Risking not having health care in those instances has caused our fellow citizens to pay for treatment as no one can be denied care in the Emergency Room.  The ACA makes it so everyone is covered.  There are no exemptions for pre-existing conditions, there are no lifetime limits, insurance companies have to use 80% of their dollars on CARE not bonuses to the CEO’s, and those young people 26 and under may remain on their parents health coverage.  All of these together make life and healthcare more affordable to those of us in the middle class.  It will enable horrific diseases to be discovered early and treated before they are out of control, more costly, and deadly.  But, the republicans ran around screaming “Death Panels” and Government run healthcare…of which ACA is neither.  But, facts never stopped a republican from screaming their crap.  Aided by the republican propaganda machine known as Fox News, their idiotic lies become part of the dialogue.  The other news channels don’t dispute, they just put on one person from one side and one from the other and let them duke it out.  The outcome of that is no one knows there is a truth…but ratings are high and that’s apparently all the mainstream media is concerned about.

The auto industry was about to go down, GM was in big trouble.  Chrysler was in dire straights.  Mitt Romney said, “Let Detroit Go Bankrupt”.  His thinking was that he was not thinking.  Luckily, our President never speaks before his ideas are well thought out.  President Obama knew there would be no private funds available at that point in time with the willingness or ability to back the auto industry. (Heck, even Bain turned it down!)  So, our wonderful President bailed them out and it has paid back a million times over.  Hundreds of thousands of jobs were saved.  Today, the auto industry is back, roaring strong!  All the associated industries are doing extremely well and the loans are almost all repaid. 

The Iraq war was ended.  The war in Afghanistan is winding down.  This isn’t good to the right wing that never met a war they didn’t like.  So, what do they want to do?  They want to go to war with Iran!  The lunacy of this is beyond anything anyone could adequately discuss, but they don’t care.  They rattle their sabers and chant about freedom and liberty…meanwhile, they don’t send their families to fight.  Of course not.  They send the young men and women who join the military trusting that battle will be a last resort; men and women who want and need the training of the military due to the high cost of college.  Who will fight for their safety?  Is there a lobbyist for them?  Yes there is, thankfully, our President, President Obama IS looking out for the military with care and diligence.  His supporting of the troops goes beyond a bumper sticker.  He uses them carefully and only when absolutely necessary.  Like when he planned and succeeded in killing our number one enemy, a man who killed 3,000 innocent Americans on September 11, 2001, a man who bush swore to get “dead or alive” before he decided it wasn’t really that important after all.  President Obama ordered the operation that captured and killed Osama Bin Laden.  We had closure.  The man responsible was no more. 

When it comes to equal pay for women, President Obama passed that as his first legislative priority.  Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, repealed.  Our President is for equal rights for all and marriage equality.  He is a caring, intelligent, wonderful man and he has earned and deserves a second term. 

I could go on for so many topics, each one shows the clarity of thought and understanding of the problems we each confront every day, each one our President has excelled at moving in the right direction, but I must spend a little time on our President’s adversary in this race, Willard Mitt Romney.

Governor Romney started life off as the son of a Governor, a wealthy automobile executive.  He never knew about needing anything, he never knew what it was like to start without advantage and he was apparently never taught compassion.  As a vulture capitalist his goal was not to create jobs, it was to maximize profit.  He did that well apparently, but at great cost to the lives of millions of hard-working, middle-class Americans.  He would swoop in, load a company with debt, end pensions, end environmentally sound policies that may cost a few cents more, and cut payroll (he readily admitted he liked to fire people).   His company (corporations are people, too, my friend – he said) his company grew while the misery index of those he laid off sky-rocketed.  Then, once they were unemployed, he went on to call them moochers, meanwhile he doesn’t pay taxes and shelters his money overseas so as to be sure to NOT HELP the country that gave him everything on a silver platter.

During the Vietnam War, he was very outspoken about those who protested the war…those who had to fight it.  He was proud in his standing up FOR the war, while he was in Paris spreading the word of Mormonism…naturally his pretty rear-end didn’t have to be in a fox hole waiting for shots to be fired at him, or breathing in Agent Orange…. no, he was privileged.  He was eating in outdoor cafes and writing love notes in the sand.

When running for Governor of Massachusetts, Mr. Romney swore he would fight for a woman’s right to choose. (Now he is adamantly pro-life).  He was for health insurance reform, Romneycare, before he was against Obamacare…(the same plan).  He is for more tax cuts for the uber wealthy, which will further add to the deficit that he claims to care about.  He wants to end Planned Parenthood, heaven forbid poor women get the healthcare they need.  He wants to end FEMA, to privatize it.  Well, at least he did before the winds of Hurricane Sandy blew in last week and millions on the East Coast NEEDED FEMA.  Thankfully, FEMA worked flawlessly under the Obama administration and Romney was left with egg on his face.

Romney’s lies about the auto bailout, about his tax plan, and his lack of diplomatic skills as were exemplified when he insulted the British during the Olympics and the Italians last week, are frightening.

Romney wants to be President. He thinks he is entitled because he has been entitled his whole life.  From holding down a young gay man in college to bully him, to putting his sick dog on the roof of his car, Romney shows he has no empathy for his fellow human beings or any creatures for that matter.  Romney’s lies and the things he says behind closed doors are not only problematic for him; they are ugly and not worthy of the office of President.

Tomorrow, my vote will go to President Barack Obama.  He has turned our country around in a miraculous way despite the great animosity consistently aimed at him.  (What other President was called a Liar in the middle of a State of the Union address – none –not even Bush who WAS lying!!)  He has been called a terrorist, a Marxist, a Socialist, a Fascist, un-American etc…when what he is is a brilliant man who worked his way up from humble beginnings to become the most powerful man in the world.  He has a loving family, a strong faith, and an even stronger love for his country and his fellow man.

I admire my President for millions of reasons and can’t understand how anyone could even consider voting for a return to the policies that sunk us under the Bush administration.  How can anyone vote for a liar like Romney…a man who won’t even disclose his tax returns let alone let us know what loopholes he plans to cut or anything about his economic policy.  A man who wants to voucherize Medicare and end social security as we know it…why….because he will NEVER NEED EITHER!!

The choice tomorrow is clear.  On one side we have a proven, steadfast man who adheres to thoughtful in-depth understanding and the other who teeters from one thought to another with no understanding, a man who can’t see beyond the afternoon headlines.

We can vote for an honest man, President Obama, or a liar, Myth Romney.

My vote is for my wonderful President and four more years of a growing, prosperous economy with equity and opportunity for all.

Obama/Biden all the way!!