Sitting here,waiting for my banana/chocolate chip bars to cool, it hit me thatnext Sunday is Mother’s Day. To me, there is nothing more important thanthe complete honor and total joy of being a Mom. My daughter and my sonare my heart and soul. They fillmy world with pride and love every single minute of every single day ~ all yearthrough.
In my gut, ineverything that makes me me, I feel it is I that should give them gifts on thisspecial day; for on this special day I takestock and evaluate myself as a Mom. My strong points, my weak points, myjoys and my struggles; to me, it’s a take stock, annual evaluation time. How am I adjusting tothe different situations and experiences that inevitably spring up as timemoves along? Am I making their lives easier or more difficult? What do they need to see from me inorder to free them so they may be all they can be?
The stories Ihave written about in this blog over the last year that related to my observancesof young moms and their young children now come to mind. Those early days,when the stresses of little sleep and 24/7 attention to every aspect of yourchild’s well-being are not that long ago that I forget them, but they are longenough ago that I am wistful. Remembering the days when they were both home, when I was so very much a part of their lives and they mine, those days that seemed unending...yet, they ended.
My daughter and son are grown now,adults. They don’t “need” me anymore, although I like to think they valuemy thoughts and feelings – and I believe they do. When I look at or thinkof each of them - my heart fills with an impossible to ever adequately express love andpride.
They haveeach become loving, caring, thoughtful, intelligent, truly good-hearted people. Iwould like to say I had something to do with that, but in reality I believethey had everything to do with it themselves. Both my husband and I always believed,as my parents taught me, that children should be given the “benefit of thedoubt” and trusted as long as and until they show otherwise. My childrennever showed otherwise. Maybe I’m just lucky or maybe people really wouldrather do good things, or maybe it’s a little bit of both, but that structure sure worked for us.
I neverneeded to punish or rein them in; they were actually harder on themselves thanI ever would have been. They worried about their grades, they worked hard without any coaxing. I used toask THEM to take a day off from school here or there because I was selfish andenjoyed their company so much. Sometimes they would agree and we would spend the day together andsometimes they would tell me they had to go to school, had important things tobe there for, and I had to acquiesce. No matter what the outcome, it was their decisions that ruled the day. Even when they were young, they were responsible and trustworthy.
All throughtheir childhood, my favorite place to be was with them. I never understood how some Mom’sclaimed they needed “their time”. Listening to them, watching them, laughing with them, was always thegreatest most important part of any day. It still is. And althoughseeing them is no longer a daily occurrence, I am lucky in that they still touchbase (calling myself base here). Hearing about their day,learning what they are learning and accomplishing, I am happy.
Mother’s Dayis a funny day. Of course on onehand, I want to be sure to let MY Mom know that I love her and value her. The traditional appreciation for who mymom has always been to me is worthy of so much love and gratitude and the opportunity to tell her is very important. I guess I would hope that mychildren would also agree with that sentiment. However, on the other hand, I think the holiday makes too much out ofchildren giving to their Moms. Itruly believe my children have already given me the most cherished gift of mylifetime, the honor of being their mom. That is all the gift I will ever want or need. Leading happy, fulfilled,healthy lives full of love and positive experiences is the gift I hope theycontinually give through their life experiences. Lives full ofappreciation for all the magical and wonderful happenings that fill even themost ordinary of days; the willingness to see the smallest good and turn itinto the most exquisite joy.
Watching thembecome who they are has been the most cherished gift of my life. If I were wealthy, monetarily wealthy,I would take the opportunity to give them all I could to affordthem the freedom of doing the work of their heart’s desire. Since that monetary wealth is not withinmy grasp, I hope what I have given them is the knowledge that they can andshould pursue their own path and follow that path wherever it may lead. I hope, selfishly, that one day thepath leads back toward home, toward where my husband and I are, but, if itdoesn’t and they are happy and fulfilled, that is what really matters ~ and Iunderstand and support them.
When I thinkabout it, when I honestly look inside my heart to grasp how I feel, I realizethat on Mother’s Day I should send each of them, my Lauren and my Michael agift and a card, for they are the most spectacular gifts of my life. My husband and I may have brought theminto this world, but they have given us the world.
I hope Laurenand Michael know that I respect, appreciate, love, and value them for who theywere when they were small and for who they are now that they are grown. I am honored, completely honored, to betheir mother. I am prouder of themthan I could ever put into words. And, although I know that at times I may get on their nerves with myworries and concerns, I do believe they understand and I believe they know thatI truly do trust their actions and know that they are competent and wise.
Mother’s Daymay be next Sunday, but honestly, every time I look at or think of my children,it is Mother’s Day to me.
HappyMother’s Day everyone ~ Mom, I love you…. Lauren and Michael…thank you forgiving me the honor of motherhood and for the love that I would never haveknown without you.
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