Next month will be five years
since I lost my Dad. In some
respects the time seems forever while in other respects, the memories of his
last two weeks here, with us, are so very vivid, that I feel as though I lost
him yesterday.
My Dad was absolutely central
to who I am and what I value. He
was not only my rock, my security, he was my booster and my role model for the
type of person I want to be. He
was funny and kind while smart and quick thinking. He was the life of any party. He was always trying to look his best, had a proper amount
of self respect (without conceit) along with an enormous amount of respect for
those around him. He loved my Mom
with all his heart and always told her how beautiful and terrific she was. He loved my brothers and I and our
families completely. He was filled
with pride over our triumphs and heartbroken over our heartaches. He always made me proud.
After he passed, a friend told
me that when I see an orange butterfly, my Dad was especially near. Over the last five years I have been
amazed at the appearance of orange butterflies at times when I either felt the
need for my Dad especially strong or when speaking of him. This was never more prevalent than two
weeks ago when my husband and I took a trip to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. We were there to attend the wedding of
beautiful friends. We shared much
of the vacation with one of my friends and her husband, (she appreciates her
privacy, and I respect that quality, so I will not give her name). I have known this friend since
Kindergarten, which happens to be not only a few years ago but actually a few
decades ago. My friend lost her
Dad a year ago from the Saturday we were away: so the timing of this journey
was especially heart wrenching for her.
She, similarly to myself, was extremely close to her Dad and feels his
loss intensely.
Naturally, there were many,
many times over the 6 days we were together that we talked of our fathers. There were some memories over which we
smiled and others that brought sweet tears to flow. There were some
memories we shared of each others Dads that brought laughter. The miraculous thing was that almost
every single time we spoke, an orange butterfly would flutter around us. I can hear her say, “Shar, there’s an
orange butterfly!!” Was this just
a coincidence? …. Maybe…. But, quite honestly, whether it was or it wasn’t it
doesn’t really make any difference.
Whether it really was my Dad’s spirit or just a feeling of love and
support from thinking of my Dad and feeling his presence…there is no
difference. Either way, the
loving, supportive, strength of character was with me. There was even a woman selling handmade
items by the pool who had at least twenty ladies beach covers for sale. All were random designs in various
colors, but then there was one unique one, a beautiful orange butterfly
gracefully flowing on the front. (Naturally I bought that one for my daughter).
Being in Cabo San Lucas was fun
and wonderful. Sharing the joy of
my friend’s wedding was touching and heart-warming. Looking back on the trip my husband and I shared with
friends, I had a truly wonderful time.
Although I did feel a bit anxious traveling so far away from my
children, (even knowing they are grown and more than capable)…it was just a “me
thing”. But, seeing the orange
butterfly, it always appearing and being close by when needed, reminded me of
qualities my Dad provided when he was physically here, making me feel stronger,
capable and safer.
I am one very lucky woman to have
had the father I had. When I think
of him, which is so very often, and I feel him in my soul, I feel his love. Just as he always tried to make things
okay for me while he was here, I believe he is still trying to do
that. I hear him in things I say,
I feel him in my heart, and I know his love is as close as ever. I am so thankful to have been my
Daddy’s little girl. I am so
thankful for the orange butterflies and all the feelings, even the melancholy
ones, they bring to the front. I
miss my Dad every day, but knowing I carry him in my heart, and project his
spirit to those around me, I am given wings.
