One of my favorite joys of being unemployed, or “under-employed” is the free time that I now enjoy. I have already blogged about the time I had to share with my Dad before he passed away, time I would have otherwise missed. Those moments, though tinged with sorrow, were such a blessing. Love filled each and every day my Mom and I sat with my Dad in the hospital that last week. Knowing I was there for him, to feed him, sing with him, talk to him, enabled me to hold him in my heart that much closer every day since.
The time I now have to write is also greatly enjoyed and appreciated. Reflecting on what is in my heart at any particular moment is therapeutic for me. I have time to appreciate the moments in my life that might just otherwise pass by in the hectic day-to-day of the full-time working world. Now, that all being said, if I were to find a rewarding full-time position, one that held challenge and contribution to a greater good, that would be terrific; but, until then, I am appreciating what I have today.
Today. Today I am not scheduled to be in the store. Today I am looking forward to spending the day with my daughter and my Mom if she is free. My daughter and I have rediscovered the neighborhood library the last few months. Tuesdays seem to be our day for that excursion.
There are three women who sit at the front desk to the library. They are friendly and welcoming and they now know us from our frequent visits. The women look up from their work every time someone enters the building; they smile and welcome everyone. My daughter and I have become such regulars that they not only say hello to us they also ask how we are!
The unique quietness of the library always strikes me when I first walk in. There is an atmosphere of learning, of information, of endless possibilities. Do you want to learn about gardening, philosophy, history, or cooking? It’s there. Would you like to listen to a book on tape, read a book in large type (without your reading glasses – great for when you’re coloring your hair!), or watch a movie? It’s there! Visiting the library is in many ways like writing my blog; each visit is the same yet yields different results. Each visit is a reflection of my feelings of the day, my interpretations of what I am thinking and feeling at that moment.
On my second to last visit to the library, I took out a wonderful book, “Still Alice”, that carefully detailed the life of a woman diagnosed, at 50 years old, with early onset Alzheimer’s disease. Having just visited with my in-laws, seeing my mother-in-law, I felt this book might give me some insight into what she is going through instead of only thinking about what my husband, father-in-law and the rest of us are going through. I learned so much. I highly recommend the book.
Last week, when I returned the book, I took the trip to the library by myself as my daughter was in Florida with her boyfriend. I don’t remember ever going there by myself before which struck me as odd, but in I walked. The friendly women at the front greeted me from the counter, as always. I said hello and we exchanged warm smiles. Then, before simply walking in as I usually do, I looked around. The computers were full of young people and senior citizens. Articles were visible on the screens, so many different topics popping up then off the screens. Beyond the computers, straight ahead was the fiction section, next to that – audio books. For some reason, that wasn’t my direction for the day.
I was drawn to the area to the right, beyond the videos, to non-fiction, then to philosophy and beyond to religion. Slowly and deliberately I read the titles. Some were about death, a bit too morbid for my mood. Other titles touted dealing with an ‘empty nest’, then there was an “Idiots Guide to the Torah” that drew my attention for a time. Before I knew it, my arms were loaded with eight to ten books on various topics from religion to happiness to the stars (in the sky, not Angelina Jolie!).
In the back of the non-fiction section there are a few desks, which line the circumference of the library. The wall is floor to ceiling windows that overlook a landscape of trees that stretch as far as the eye can see. The trees are still bare and the branches are clearly visible with their twists and turns to the heavens. It is truly beautiful; peaceful, serene, just lovely. I choose a desk that allowed me to put my heavy pile of books down and offered me a view of the trees that calmed my mind. It was a chilly day outside, but from my vantage point I could enjoy the outside while experiencing the calming warmth of being inside. The interesting topics of the books in front on me then enveloped me.
Before I knew it, an hour and a half had flown by. I was amazed when I looked at my watch. After more careful inspection, I narrowed my choices down to five books. I gathered my coat and purse, returned the books not chosen and allowed myself one look back at the now empty desk and the audience of trees. Carrying my chosen pile of reading, I walked to the women still busy working at the front desk.
We talked quietly about the sudden return of winter as each book was scanned. I walked through the double doors and back to my car, where I turned the heat on immediately upon starting. With an inner calm that is not my usual state, I drove home singing to Carol King’s Tapestry. It had been a lovely day and one I am now looking forward to sharing with loving company today.
I wonder what direction my mind will wander into as I enter the library today? The one thing I am sure of is I will not know until I am there, confronted with the endless possibilities. The library is a bit like life, I may not be sure where I am headed, but I am excited and happy to be on the journey!
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