Memories of my Grandmother have been especially vivid these last few days. This morning I woke with clear images and thoughts of her in my mind. A few nights ago, my daughter had a dream where my Grandmother gave her a “thumbs-up” signal and then left. Perhaps her spirit is especially active at this moment for some reason. I don’t know why else thoughts of her would be so exceedingly vibrant at this time; it’s not her birthday, or any other ‘special’ day. During any normal week I think of her often as there are numerous memories of her throughout my home; a needlepoint on my living room wall, an afghan on my den sofa, and a few of her dishes displayed from my wall-unit, but thoughts of her these last few days have been especially strong.
I wrote about my Grandmother a few months ago with my, “Never Accept a Rotten Tomato!” post. In that post I described one of the many life lessens my Grandmother handed down, one that went way beyond the actual tomato. In other posts, the value and importance of my Grandmother’s wisdom was an integral part of the stories my family tells during holiday meals. But on a day-to-day basis, my Grandmother was so much more.
My Grandmother was an iron strong woman; yet she was always quick with a hug, a kiss, a laugh and a smile. She was funny, yet it was always clear she would fight tooth and nail for her family. She was a woman who raised two daughters, helped raise her niece when her sister’s husband unexpectedly passed away at a very young age and welcomed family to her home at any and all times. She accomplished all of this during the years right after the Depression, when money was scarce and to get by you needed your wits and your intelligence. She rarely went to synagogue, yet she wouldn’t sew on the Sabbath. She called her Passover cake an Easter cake. She always served bread with dinner. She loved polka dots and could never pronounce turquoise, yet it was her favorite color. She always had a "sour ball" or other hard candy in her purse. My cousin and I would dance in circles to old Mickey Katz records, the Jewish record my Grandmother played often in her apartment. We would laugh the day away when left by our Moms with my Grandmother for whatever reason. We shared so many fun times in her small apartment on Rodney Street…so many fun times!
All through my life my Grandmother was a special resource. She would be brutally honest if you asked for her opinion, and sometimes when you didn’t. You would always get her thoughts straight out – no holds barred! She gave me life lessons that emphasized the power of being a woman well before the feminist movement. Although she never worked outside the home, she was always busy with her needlepoint, sewing, cooking, taking care of her Herman (my wonderful Grandfather) and directing everyone. She would have made a wonderful boss.
One day, many years ago, while I was visiting my Mother in her apartment, my Grandfather called and told my Mom she was needed right away. Apparently, my Grandmother was taking a bath and the heat of the water must have made her feel weak. She couldn’t seem to lift herself out of the tub. My Mom and I ran to the car and drove the 25 minutes to my Grandparents’ apartment. In a matter of minutes, my Mom helped my Grandmother out of the tub. After she was feeling stronger and better, we were sitting in the living room when it hit me, why didn’t my Grandfather just help her out of the tub? When I asked the question, my Grandmother looked at me incredulously, I’ll never forget her expression of shock. “He’s never seen me naked!”, she replied. “Never?” I replied. “Never!” I then remember saying, but you’ve been married over 60 years and you have two daughters! She looked me straight in the eye and replied, “It was always dark”! She went on to say since he never saw her naked when she was young, he certainly wasn’t going to get an eye full now! Her good-natured honesty was palpable. I just wanted to give her a big hug – I wish I could do so right now.
I remember another time watching television with my Grandmother in her apartment. The show was about viewing the magnificent home of a particular movie star. I remember my Grandmother saying to me what a waste the big home was. After all, she said, “You can only be in one room, on one seat, at one time with one tuckas!”
After my Grandfather passed away, my Grandmother lived alone in her apartment until she passed away. She was strong and vibrant, caring for others, even on that very last day of her life. I remember the day vividly. My Mom had planned to go to her mother to help her, take her food shopping. But, unfortunately, I came down with an awful stomach virus. My children were very young at the time and I needed help getting them to and from school and just watching them in general. My Mom told my Grandmother the situation and that she would go to her the next day. My Grandmother was fine with that, which, when I look back, she could have been otherwise.
All through the day my Grandmother called to check-up on how I was feeling. When my Mother left my house, my Grandmother called to speak to me so she could hear for herself how I was progressing. I told her I was feeling better and thanked her for understanding that I needed my Mom to come to help me that day. She told me, “Don’t be silly”, then she went on to tell me to be sure to drink ginger ale with crushed ice and maybe eat a few crackers. She wanted me to take it easy and build my strength. She let me know she was going to go downstairs in her apartment building later to play cards with her ‘lady friends’. I knew that was special to her. My Grandmother loved to play cards, 500 Rummy, Gin…. her specialties! She taught my cousin and I all the card games we knew along with how to properly shuffle the deck. I knew she was looking forward to her game that evening. She told me she would call the next day to see how I was feeling and that if I needed my Mother again, not to worry. With that, I told her I loved her and she told me she loved me. Then, we hung up. That was the last conversation I ever had with my Grandmother.
On her way to play cards that evening, she collapsed and passed away. As all through her life, she passed thinking of others while looking forward to something she loved to do. Dealing with disappointment yet enjoying looking to the future right up until the very end. You’re in my heart, Grandmom, thank you for your inspiration and love. You’re strongly in my thoughts today and for whatever the reason, I am thankful.
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