It has been awhile since I’ve written a blog, but I just
couldn’t until now. My usual blogs
revolve around life events, things that strike me at a particular time. The last few weeks, every time I sat
down to write, I found myself writing about my dog, Popcorn, who my husband and
I had to put to sleep a few weeks ago.
However, I didn’t want to sit and write about that experience as it was
so heart wrenching. But, it seems I have to, as until I do, I can’t seem to
write about anything else at all.
How do you ever know if you did the right thing? I don’t want to focus on the sadness
and the guilt I still feel, but it’s there. I had hoped that Poppy would pass naturally, without any
intervention, but that wasn’t to be.
Everyone who saw Poppy the last few months told us it was time. But, he didn’t cry, didn’t complain, so
how do I know for certain that he was really suffering? My husband and I kept putting off the
thought, hoping for divine intervention.
Finally, after seeing him walking into walls and constantly starving
because, although he ate like crazy - nothing stayed in him for too long, we
had to believe he was not happy.
The weeks since that sad day have passed and even though I
still look for him at the top of the steps when I come home and sleep with my
legs bent because he always slept at my feet, I now know he is not going to be
there. It’s funny how one tiny
ten-pound dog can take up so much space in your heart. How one tiny animal that had long since
ceased been playful and bouncy, is missed so very much.
Poppy’s passing marks an end to one era of my life, the era
of a house full of people and busy goings on. But, as they say, one ending leads to a new beginning.
No one knows where the next minutes, hours, days, weeks and
years will take us, but we all have hopes that the future will bring good
times. This week I learned that an
acquaintance, someone my family has grown to respect and appreciate through
the last 13 years even though we only knew him professionally, died
suddenly. When I found out, it was
as if I was punched in the stomach.
I just always assumed Jeff would be there to book our family cruises and
call with questions, which he would answer, in his soothing, helpful voice.
Last week at this time he was probably heading to his travel agency……..
These recent jolts have led me to realize how lucky I am to
have so many wonderful people in my life to lean on, confide in and sometimes
even share a hug.
As time moves on, we have to go with the flow, the stage, the
scenery, they change, but hopefully, the play continues. As the coming
change in scenery is approaching, we are forced to clean out and throw out so
much that has accumulated over the years.
What will we find as we clean out?
Well, so far, I have uncovered old family videos and spent hours
listening to my Father’s voice, something I haven’t heard outside my own head
for 3 years. My Dad, my nephews
Joel and Scott, my Aunt Elsie and my Aunt Anita…my Grandparents…great aunts,
people that were such an integral part of who I am yet who have passed on….
hearing and seeing them in the videos this week was a deep reminder of all that
is so precious, all that really matters ~ loved ones, both family and friends,
and the willingness and opportunity to share good, fun times together. We always make time for the sad times,
we take off work for funerals…. but, for good times? Taking time for good times – THAT is the trick and
those are the memories that live in our heads.
Listening to the young voices of my children, their laughter
has brought smiles and happiness.
Watching these videos is life affirming. We all pass through this world; the goal is to make a
positive impact and mean something special to those you love and care
about. Things are truly
meaningless, you could own the most beautiful car, have the loveliest of homes
and go to the most expensive restaurants, and believe me, it’s all fun and
great and I hope to win the lottery sometime ~ but, I wouldn’t trade anyone in
my life for any of these ‘things’.
I always remember my Dad telling me his words of wisdom when I was
little and spilled paint all over the carpet in his bedroom…”Sweetheart”, he
said, “never cry about things ~ only people deserve your tears.” My Dad also told me, “If you’re worried
about money, that’s good, because it means you have no REAL worries.”
My Dad was brilliant.
So, now, on this quiet Friday morning, a Friday after my Mom’s
86th birthday, I am thankful and hopeful as I reminisce and
appreciate not only all who have meant the world to me yet are no longer here
but also I will make a point to let those here now know I appreciate them with
all my heart. I will hope for good health, happy times and safety for those I
love and cherish and yet not rely on hope that they know I love them with all
my heart ~ I will tell them.
Enjoy the day, take care of yourselves and please, let’s take
care of each other ~ life is fleeting and it is the good we do that lives on,
not the things we buy. To Poppy ~
thanks for all the years of love.
You were the greatest companion and brought only love to each and every
day! Your loss may hurt today, but
I wouldn’t trade away the hurt because of all the years that the joy of your
presence made my heart smile.
I am sorry that much of this blog has been rambling thoughts,
but it is just how my brain has been these last few weeks. My main thought through all of this is
only love ~ it is truly all that matters in life. Love each other and be thoughtful of each other, the rest is
meaningless.
