My Cousin and I

Did you ever have someone in your life that you could say anything to, and it would be understood and okay? I am lucky beyond belief in that I have always had such a person – from the moment I was born, my cousin, Ellen. 

I spoke with Ellen, this morning. I can honestly say I never remember a time when she wasn’t in my life as a confidante, a friend, a ‘sister’, a helper and an on-the-spot therapist.  Her strength, honesty, selflessness, and love are apparent in everything she does and to everyone she encounters.

When we were young, very young, our Grandparents would babysit for us when our Moms went out shopping.  (Our Moms are sisters, and also best friends)  We made doll houses out of paper and cotton balls, we danced in circles to Mickey Katz records – check it out…..here or here or here.  We laughed from morning to night.

If you listen to the link above, you’ll be able to imagine how hard we laughed as we danced around our Grandparents living room.  The laughter and joy we shared, as young girls, only grew deeper and more meaningful as we grew older.  I could go on for hundreds of pages describing all the times we shared, good, bad, worried, joyful…. every life experience.  Through it all, if I needed her, she was there in a heartbeat. 

We live too far apart to see each other as often as either of us would like, and our schedules don’t permit us to talk all the time like we did when we were young; but, when we do talk it is straight from the heart.  To each other, there is no need to couch anything, hide anything, or exclude anything.  She knows every flaw I have and loves me anyway…how lucky is that?

If every person in the world could have someone like my cousin in her life, there would be more laughter and joy in this world and less hate and distrust.  When I’m down or worried I know all I have to do is call her.  Just talking with her allows me to breath again because she tells me when I’m off the wall (which is frequent) and she tells me when I’m not. 

I don’t think I tell her often enough how much she means to me but she has made my life richer each and every day.  I just finished a wonderful book that made me think about the different relationships in my life.  I am truly grateful for the many, many people that I love and care about ~ my family, my friends, every one holds a special place in my heart.  In time, I will write about each of them. However, the sister of my soul is my cousin.

If the world were full of Ellens, it would certainly be a more beautiful place.  

Appreciate those in your life that have stuck by you through thick and thin.  If you are fortunate to have such a person or even luckier, persons like this, I hope you know how lucky you are.  I know I do.

Smoothing The Wrinkles of Yesterday

I just finished making the bed.  As I was removing the old sheets and smoothing the freshly washed ones across the mattress I thought of the importance of freshening life up by airing it out and making a clean change, taking a fresh look.

So many effects come together to hold us in the same place from day to day keeping us from airing ourselves out, opening up our hearts.  When closed to new possibilities, our hearts, thoughts, and goals get as musty and wrinkled as an unmade bed.  We sleep, toss, turn and dribble in the same beliefs from day to day, year to year.  Without shaking things up and letting the breeze blow through, we wallow in the sameness; even our dreams become stale.  If we don’t take a look at the frayed trim we can’t fix it.  At this point in my life, I am attempting to strengthen my frayed edges and not let my dreams become stale.

The expression, “you’ve made your bed, now lie in it”, is really very true.  We all have to accept the consequences of our choices, actions, decisions, and thoughts.  One particular turn years ago may have had unforeseen consequences.  Sometimes, merely cleaning up cannot erase some actions – the results may be irreversible.  But, even in those circumstances, we can air what has been done and resolve to not do the same thing again.  We can speak to people we may have hurt, hug people we love, and comfort people in pain.  We can listen with more than our ears and feel with more than our fingertips.

Due to circumstances beyond my control in 2009 (an owner of a company putting corporate profits into drugs and draining the company dry) I was left unemployed at a time when the economy was not the best.  That particular action put me to bed with the necessity of forging a fresh start.  Although I was earning a very nice living at my prior position, I never enjoyed the work, only the people I worked with.  I rarely felt as though I was contributing anything positive to the world through my work there.  (I did feel positive at my prior company where I thoroughly enjoyed the work AND the people, what a blessing that was.)  The fact that I did it every workday shows that I had my price, something I am not particularly proud of.

However, being forced away from all that handed me a golden opportunity.  I was involuntarily pushed to air myself out and take a fresh look at my surroundings.  It could be stated that I was thrown out of bed.  After landing on the floor, I pulled off the old sheets and took a long look at the decades old mattress.  Like life, it wasn’t a bed of roses that stared back at me.  After a long look I could see beyond the tattered covering and feel a healthy strength of support, something we all desperately need at one time or another.  People who believe they don’t need any support should try sleeping without a mattress once in awhile – truth hurts.

Life happens, but dreams happen, too, even when those dreams fall into ruts.  We need to harness our dreams and use them to create positive, productive changes before they grow stale.  Just as flipping a mattress erases the grooves that have become traps you fall into, sometimes life needs to be flipped to get you on a fresh path that will lead you to a new beautiful destination.

Many of us have a comfy bed – and we should enjoy it, but just think how much better that bed will feel after spending part of the day helping those who may have fallen onto a bed of nails.  Helping others, offering a smile to someone who is down or needs assistance, can cultivate your own pleasant dreams and beautiful future.  Smiling is contagious, and that is one contagion we should try to catch and pass along.  It may even keep us from “waking up on the wrong side of the bed”, which is never a happy experience for yourself or anyone you come in contact with during the day.

When I make my bed in the morning now, I will be thinking about what qualities I want to tuck in safely and which ones I want to wash away.  There are only so many nights we all get to sleep on this side.  If I can keep the finite nature of life in mind, like the life of a good mattress, I will keep my dreams vibrant, my backbone strong, and my life fresh and new.   

Lovely pillows and soft sheets are wonderful and help make a bed beautiful, just as lovely thoughts and kind words can make your world beautiful.  Using them all well and often will hopefully keep us all safely, happily tucked in and enable us to share a world full of ever changing possibility.

A Birthday Filled Week!

This is the beginning of an important, meaningful, loving week for me.  This week holds two very special birthdays ~ my amazing daughter, Lauren’s, birthday and my terrific brother, Freddie’s, birthday, both born on the same day 31 years apart.  They both also share that birthday with my brother’s friend since his childhood through today (which is more than a few years!!).  These birthdays give me the chance to honor these beautiful people who mean so much.

My daughter is absolutely one of the nicest, most honest, funny, kind-hearted, thoughtful people I know.  From the moment she was born she made the sunshine brighter and my world sweeter.  She loves so strongly - with her whole heart, deeply and sincerely, and will go to the ends of the earth for those she cares about.  I remember being told by many people, when I was about to give birth to my son, that many children feel jealous of a younger sibling and that I should be cognizant of that possibility.  I didn’t believe that fit with her personality, but my husband and I took care to have a “Big Sister” shirt ready and some special toys for her when we brought the baby home.  Those preparations were completely unnecessary.

Lauren adored her brother from the second he was born.  She would ask to hold him whenever he was awake.  I remember being a little worried, (after all, it is me) that his head not be supported or he would fall when she held him as she was only a little girl herself.  But she would sit so carefully on the sofa…. there was no need to worry.  I remember her singing her songs to him, waiting with her arms outstretched so she could hold him tight.  Carefully, I would place my son in her arms and she would support his head with her arm and cradle him closely.  She would barely breath as she wouldn’t want to disturb him.  I never remember him crying when she held him, not once.  I know he felt the love and care she had for him, as she does to this very day.  There was never a time I can think of when the two of them fought.  When they were little, she was like a mother hen watching out for him ~ feeding him Cheerios, playing with him, showing him off.  Now that they are both adults, they support each other, stand up for each other, respect each other and certainly love each other.  It does a Mom’s heart good to watch them together.  I know the pride and love they hold for each other and they are my treasure.  She is as wonderful a sister as she is a daughter and she truly makes my every day filled with joy and gratitude.

So, with my daughter’s birthday just a few days away, my heart is completely filled with love, pride and admiration.  She is strong, smart, and so full of goodness.  She is madly in love with her boyfriend and I believe he knows and appreciates her for the wonderful woman she is.  That mutual respect makes her Dad and I very happy. 

To my precious, precious daughter – I love you with all my heart and wish you a birthday, a year, and a lifetime full of all the love and happiness you bring to the world.  Your smile brightens my world ~ thank you for being you.  Happy Birthday Sweetheart!

My brother’s birthday is also this Thursday.  I am a lucky girl in that I have two wonderful brothers who always looked out for me, as I was “the baby”.  I am a very old baby at this point…

My brother, Freddie, is five years older than me.  When we were young, that seemed huge, but now, not so much.   Through life’s ups and downs, I always know I can count on my brother to be there for me.  He is hysterically funny, incredibly warm-hearted, and his salesmanship talents remind me so much of our Dad.  He is now a grandfather and is so head-over-heels in love with his granddaughter that it makes my heart smile.  (And his granddaughter is truly an amazing little girl – she makes everyone’s heart smile!)

My brother and I have shared so many crazy and wonderful times.  There were funny times when he took me for my driving test and watched in horror as I couldn’t get out of the parking spot to start the test!  Then he watched as I pulled over on the curb when the policeman was ready to ask me the test questions.  He was all ready to console me when I shocked him by jumping out of the car screaming;” I passed!!” “I passed”!!  He would NOT let me drive home!  He was there for my other brother and our family and we were there for each other through devastating loss and incredibly heart-wrenching times.  Other life changes and unexpected difficulties that life sometimes brings were always made more bearable with a tight hug.  During my Dad’s various surgeries and other health issues we would sit and worry together in more hospital waiting rooms than I care to think about.  We would talk things over and make decisions.  We didn’t always agree, but we always knew we had only the very best of intentions, and together, with my Mom and my brother, Ronnie, we would make decisions. 

We laughed together when we were kids and enjoyed Sundays at home, family day, as it was the only day of the week my Dad didn’t go to his store. On Sundays we would watch the Eagles’ games with the family, cheer and scream at the TV during away games, freeze and eat at Veterans Stadium during the home games.  No matter what is going on, I always know my brother is there for me.  He is looking out for me and I always look forward to times spent with him.  I love my brother very much.  Happy Birthday Freddie!

And this year I want to give another happy birthday wish to a man who is probably my brother’s best friend, Cliff.  Cliff and Freddie have known each other for close to 50 years.  Hearing them sing together is a treat ~ “You gotta know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em”.  They have always supported each other, as friends do, through good and difficult times.  Cliff is going through some rough times now and I want to wish him a happy birthday and hope this year treats him and his wife and family well.

So, with these three people sharing a very special birthday, I want the world to know that this Thursday marks a day that brought goodness, laughter, sunshine and love to our world.  They say good things come in threes…I must say, especially in this instance, I find that to be very true!

It’s Been a Long Time

As those of you who follow my blog know, it has been a very long since I have written.  The last time I added a blog to this site was when my back went out, and that blog I could write because it was about pain.  Although the pain in my back, thankfully, subsided, once it was gone I still found myself totally empty and unable to put two thoughtful sentences back to back.  All creativity had been wiped from my heart.  The only thing I can attribute that inability to these last few months is the negativity and nastiness of the surroundings I found myself in for five very long days a week.

I won’t mention the name of the company I entered into full time employment with back in May, but I will say that I believed that going back to work in a professional, corporate atmosphere would automatically land me in a place where the co-workers were accepting and helpful and where the day would be pleasantly spent being productive and part of a team.  I truly looked forward to that experience, as it was what I had found at EVERY work place I had ever worked in prior to this time.   I was willing to be paid “crap” to be part of that once again.  Every one of my prior corporate work experiences held the prospect of working together and of a unique relationship with my co-workers that produced many of my long time friends.  These former co-workers are people who I honestly cherish as part of my life to this day ~ even though we haven’t worked together for many years!

However, this last place was unique in that I didn’t speak to one person who was happy there.  Most people shunned me from day one.  As a newcomer at each prior new adventure, I was welcomed from day one with a group lunch and a few welcoming words from everyone. This first day welcoming was always followed by invitations to join co-workers for lunch, emails with a friendly hello, something…this place…nothing!  Groups of women would walk by my desk and go to lunch or go to the kitchen for coffee without glancing sideways.  My assigned “mentor” would go out with two ladies every day.  Not once did she invite me along.  Only two people even bothered to notice me and both of them understood and felt as I did, only they could accept this daily existence as, like my Mother always said, ‘you get used to hanging if you hang long enough’. 

I didn’t want to get used to hanging.

My mentor even told me, at one point, to only respond to personal texts from my children or husband during the day by going to the ladies room and closing the door.  The company frowned on any contact with home during work hours.  The company did not want “chit chat” from one worker with another.  One woman stopped by my desk (one of the rare friendly women that I mentioned above) during the day to ask how my back was feeling.  Just at that time, a Vice-President of the company walked by and offered a glare of disapproval.  The women scurried back to her desk and sent me an email stating there was an SOP (standard operating procedure) memo that strictly prohibited idol talk and having been seen at my cubicle she was definitely flustered.  Now, this is a sick way to run a company and an even worse way to exist five days a week.

Every Sunday, I would enter into a depressed state knowing I had five days looming before me at this place.  My husband was putting up with me, but it had reached the point where he and I agreed this couldn’t go on much longer.  I kept trying to hold out another week – maybe it would get better.  But, it only became worse. 

Two weeks ago on a Monday morning, I was summoned into a Director’s office to be informed that since 3 people had suddenly left the group on the third floor, they decided that since I was the newest employee, I should go up to that department.  (No one in management wanted to consider REASONS why people were leaving the upstairs department in huge numbers every week!)  Please note that this upstairs department was one in which I had been warned about even prior to taking the job.  I was offered no choice.

What could I say?  I bit my lip and murmured something to the effect of, it’s not up to me, so I will go, and left her office.  It was actually rather funny that this job change was ordered that particular morning as on my drive in I asked for guidance on what to do, for a sign…and then, miraculously, one was given.

I was ordered to transition the studies I had been working on and move to the new position on August 6.  During the transition, I was also informed that I would be receiving training for the new position the last 3 days before the formal transition date.  During the training by a pleasant young woman who was leaving, I inquired about the job.  She looked at me and simply said, “I am glad to be leaving”.  She then directed me to speak with two other people in the department.  I went to them and asked them if their mother was offered this position what advice would they give her?  They told me to run like hell.  Decision made.

Last Friday, I offered my two-week notice to my Director, a woman who had never been welcoming, pleasant, helpful or friendly during one minute of my twelve-week stint working for her.  Being that I would be in training these last two weeks, I believed she would tell me to exit stage left…she not only told me go, she walked me out.  It was the most she had done for me since my starting day!

I returned to working retail at Five Below on Monday with the difference that I now appreciate it so very much!  People exist!  There are people in the world to speak to, to learn from ~ my co-workers are supportive, helpful, friendly and kind!  The customers are funny, easy, difficult and crabby but it doesn’t matter – they are all people and all can be a wonderful contribution to a day full of life!  I can laugh again….I can write again!!

It is good to be back in the world of the living!  I hope I never lose my appreciation and thanks for my good friend, Lisa, who welcomed me back!  What a wonderful blessing it is to welcome each day without a pit in my stomach.

Enjoy the day ~ the days strung together make up your life, and life is too short to be unhappy!